Tips on Moving Abroad…And How You Can Learn From My Mistakes
I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I think I did this whole moving abroad thing totally wrong. Well, maybe not totally wrong but I’ve made mistakes…a lot of mistakes.
I’m the first to admit that I wasn’t entirely prepared to move abroad. Yes, I had 10 years of travel under my belt. Yes, I’d always dreamed of living in another country. But when it came to moving to and living in another country…well, I did a lot of things wrong.
Living in Jakarta has been one of the best, most educational and eye-opening experiences of my life. But it has also been difficult, frustrating and, at the worst of times paralyzingly overwhelming. That being said, I’m coming out of my first year as an expat with more confidence, more knowledge and more independence.
My experience living abroad wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t always a smooth ride, but would I do it again? Hell yes! I mean duh, I am moving to Cambodia in less than two months.
With all the highs and lows, my experience living in Jakarta didn’t scare me off of the whole living abroad thing. But my time here did teach me that there are so many things I could have done differently, done better. For anyone out there who is planning on moving abroad or even thinking of moving abroad, here are seven ways you can make your experience abroad a more comfortable and enjoyable one. And hopefully you can learn from my mistakes.
Tips on moving abroad (and how I did it totally wrong):
1. Try your best to learn the language
People in Jakarta always ask me if I speak Bahasa Indonesia. And every time, I hang my head and mutter “no” under my breath. I’m embarrassed that I’ve put so little effort into learning the language during the almost 11 months that I’ve lived here.
I can give you a lot of excuses. I suck at learning languages. I work from home so I’m not exactly immersed in the culture. There’s no point in learning a language I’ll never be able to use anywhere else (except Malaysia and Singapore, kind of).
But seriously, my experience living abroad would have been leaps and bounds more fulfilling and a million times less frustrating if I spoke the language. At one point, simple things like getting around in taxis or getting the air conditioner repaired were the bane of my existence because I couldn’t communicate at all.
About five months ago I did start making a concerted effort to learn words and phrases that would help me in my day to day life. And I can’t even convey how much it has helped. I can now even fool most of Jakarta’s taxi drivers into thinking I speak the language and they are way less likely to rip me off. When I got super lost motorbiking around Nusa Penida I was able to ask locals for directions in Bahasa Indonesia and I felt so good when I could actually understand their response.
Realistically I don’t think I would have ever come close to being a fluent speaker of Bahasa in one year’s time (unless I’d taken some serious lessons), but I wish I would have learned more. At the very least I should have started making an effort from the very beginning. Now that my time here is coming to an end I realize just how many people I didn’t meet and experiences I didn’t have because I couldn’t communicate. I plan to do better in Cambodia.
2. Get out and socialize (no matter how uncomfortable it makes you)
This is probably the area I messed up in the most. Again I have a whole slew of excuses. Working from home makes meeting people really hard and Jakarta’s notorious traffic makes going out after 5 pm really unappealing. After 11 months here I realize I’ve made more meaningful relationships with bloggers online than I have with anyone in Jakarta. I’ve met some great people here but I can’t say I have any lifelong friends…and that’s just sad.
It’s the people you meet that makes living abroad such a special experience. I now realize that as someone who tends to be a homebody and a bit on the introverted side, that it’s up to me to put myself out there (no matter how awkward it makes me feel).
I’m hoping to do a lot better on this front in Phnom Penh. I’ll work in cafes instead of staying cooped up in the house all day. Perhaps I’ll take a yoga or photography class or go to film screenings or participate in one of the city’s famous hash runs.
Whatever your interests, I think it’s important to get involved in your community, be open and just put yourself out there. Being social is sure to make the whole living abroad experience much more rewarding and way more fun.
3. Bring hard-to-find items from home
Once you find out where you’re going to move, do some research to see what other expats suggest you bring from home. Travel blogs and forums are a great resource. When I got to Jakarta I realized that there were a lot of random little things I couldn’t find in Jakarta (think absorbable bath towels, shower curtains, butter knives and top sheets). When I started googling I realized tons of other expats had experienced this and written all about it…if only I had done my research before I got here.
I’ve learned from my mistake and will be bringing all of these things with me to Cambodia. And since I know I’ll be in Cambodia for a full year, I also plan on packing a year’s supply of my go-to products like face wash, vitamins, deodorant and makeup.
When I moved to Jakarta I only brought enough of these things to last me a few months. I figured I would easily find replacements here. I figured wrong. For example, I ran out of my favorite lightweight foundation two months ago and have had to resort to using an Indonesian brand that feels weird on my skin and doesn’t actually match my skin tone.
I’m not suggesting you over pack, at all. But thinking about the essentials ahead of time will save you hassle and money and make you a whole lot more comfortable. I can’t wait until I go back to California this summer so I can stock up on all of my favorite products!
4. Have a plan for what comes next
When you first move abroad, it feels like your time there is limitless. Guess what, it sneaks up on you. It did me.
Up until about two months ago I had no plan for what I was going to do when my year in Jakarta was up. I’m that person who still only has a few thousand dollars in her savings account. I have no car or home or furniture back in California. If I had to go back I’d be starting from scratch. And that idea weighed heavily on me throughout my time in Jakarta.
It’s best to have some sort of plan for what comes next, whether you’re staying abroad or going back to your hometown. Trust me it will make your time abroad much less stressful if you have a plan and some money in your savings account.
5. Find a home you’re comfortable in
Moving to another country can be scary and stressful, and having a comfortable place to go home to each night can make all the difference. I realize that many people who are moving abroad are either studying or teaching English. Much of the time this means that housing is provided and you have no say in where you’re going to live.
This was the case with Aaron and I in Jakarta. When we came here we had three apartments to choose from. The first two were so horrendous I almost cried. The last one was leaps and bounds better but still not anything to write home about.
Fast forward 11 months and I hate (and I mean hate) this apartment. I even wrote a whole post about how much I hate my apartment. Where you live will color your experience living abroad. It’s so important to have a space you feel comfortable in.
If you ask me, put some time into researching and finding a great place to live. Nothing’s going to be perfect but it should at the very least be livable! I’m so grateful that this time around Aaron and I have the option of find our own housing. Right now I’m talking with real estate agents in Phnom Penh. I also plan to do my own legwork once I get on the ground.
After having such loud upstairs neighbors in Jakarta (I was literally woken up today by loud groaning, hammering and a crying baby all before 6:30 am!), having a place that’s on the top floor is a huge priority for me. But really everyone’s different so make a list of what sorts of things will make your new home livable for you.
Do you want to live alone or with someone else? How far are you willing to commute to work? Is having natural sunlight or an outdoor space a priority? The more comfortable you are in your living situation the better your experience moving abroad will be.
6. Do your research on the job and visa situation
When I moved to Jakarta I was kind of in a state of limbo careerwise. I had been traveling for a year, I only had a few thousand dollars in my savings account and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do in terms of work. Aaron was the one who got a job here. I followed him to Jakarta thinking that if I couldn’t find work as a writer or editor that I would easily be able fall back on teaching English.
That wasn’t the case. My experience finding a job in Indonesia was really stressful and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it put a serious damper on the first three months of life abroad. A lot of people move to Southeast Asia without having a job lined up and they do just fine. Indonesia is a bit of a different beast than countries like Thailand and Cambodia. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
Take it from me, it’s important to do your research ahead of time. What is the visa situation in your country of choice? What sorts of jobs are realistically available to you? If you plan on teaching English what sorts of qualifications are required? (In Indonesia you won’t get hired without a TESOL certificate or a B.A. in an English-related field.)
A lot of people expect to land a job fresh off the plane, but these things can take time. It took about three full months before I found any real work. At the very least, make sure you have a plan and money to keep yourself afloat for a few months while you’re settling in and looking for a job.
7. Breathe and realize everything is going to be okay
Living abroad will be the best experience of your life and it will very likely also be the most challenging. I’m fairly certain I’m not alone in feeling this way. I have had so many freak outs since I moved to Jakarta I can’t even count them. Given everything I went through, I feel like I was allowed to lose it every now and again. But I could have handled myself better in certain situations.
There were times when I let myself get really bummed out and scarily overwhelmed. No matter how tough things get, try your best to take a step back, look at the bigger picture and realized that nothing is the end of the world. And at the very least, know that you’re not alone because everyone living abroad goes through rough patches. I swear, it’s all going to turn out fine in the end!
When it comes to moving abroad, clearly I could have done a lot of things differently. But despite having my fair share of down times, everything has worked out better than I could have possibly imagined. Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes and have a bit of a smoother experience during your time abroad.
Have you ever lived abroad? Are there any tips you have for those who are planning to move abroad?
I definitely agree with doing your research about the housing situation beforehand. It wasn’t until I got to Vancouver mid-month that basically all rentals begin on the first, so I was stuck in a hostel for a couple of weeks – not ideal. Also, Meetup is a great website for connecting with people! Good luck in Cambodia 🙂
Thanks Hayley! Ha, I’m moving to Phnom Penh on the 2nd of the month. I hope I don’t have to wait a whole month before I can move into a place! And thanks for the tip about Meetup. I’ll definitely be looking into that 🙂
You make some great points here. It’s definitely important to get at least a basic grasp on the language. Re: socializing–also a good point! When I first moved abroad I tried not to turn down any invites during the first several months. As an introvert, I had to really push myself at times, but in the end I made some great friends.
And I absolutely agree about the housing situation–since that’s your retreat from the crazy avalanche of new experiences and information, it’s incredibly important to find a comfortable place to retreat to.
Socializing is something I plan to put a lot of effort in in Cambodia. In Jakarta my boyfriend and I were so isolated. We live in a very boring part of town. And working from home didn’t help matters! But yes, I know I’m just going to have to really push myself in this area. It’s good to hear a success story from a fellow introvert!
There are so many good points mad in this article:
(1) One of my biggest regrets was having a huge mental block in Japanese before working in the Land of the Rising Sun (I’ve worked there twice). If I don’t know if I will ever work in Japan again but if I do, I know I have the confidence to become fluent in Japanese. I just wish I believed in myself to learn a decent amount of the language.
(2) Socializing is a great tip. But I would add it’s important to socialize with the locals. That was difficult for me when I first arrived in Japan because of the language barrier. But it was a lot easier for me to socialize with the locals when I lived in France because I spoke French.
(3) It is very important to have post-living abroad plans because certainly my abroad stints have zoomed by fast. I wish I had planned better for life after living abroad.
I agree that it’s really important to socialize with locals. My boyfriend and I live in a very local part of town, so we don’t really see tons of other foreigners on a daily basis. It has made socializing with Indonesians the only real option, which is really cool. Actually I haven’t even met all that many expats. But not knowing the language totally limits how meaningfully I can converse with Indonesians. I suppose that’s why I’m so bummed I didn’t make more of an effort with learning Indonesian.
Post living abroad plans are so important. I think a lot of people do what I did. They just leave their hometown thinking that either they’ll never come back or that they’ll figure out their plans while abroad. In my case I stayed abroad and things have worked out, for now. But it’s kind of sketch not having an actual plan!
Learning the language is SO important! It’s not always an easy thing to do, but making a concerted effort to speak to people in their own language—even if you’re making tons of mistakes—goes such a long way to fostering good will and making you feel more at home. I didn’t always love the month we spent taking 2 hours of Spanish every day while here in Mexico, but our confidence to speak in Spanish and ability to understand others really increased exponentially and it’s honestly made such a difference now that we only communicate with people in Spanish. We’ve even had some very long conversations with neighbors and friendly locals, something we were never able to do while in Asia, so that feels really great!
I wish you luck with learning Khmer when you arrive in Cambodia. We thought it would be so much easier because it wasn’t tonal, only to find we couldn’t make/hear most of the sounds that make up the language. I think we learned how to say thank you, but despite our best efforts, could never learn how to say “delicious”…
Why can’t they just speak Spanish in Asia? It’s much less intimidating. Well, that’s because I speak a little 😉 I think that’s great that you took daily classes. I’m sure it was a little brutal taking classes every day but it sounds like you guys are doing so well! I love traveling in Spanish-speaking countries because they are the only non-English countries where I can actually understand people and converse (a little). It makes such a difference.
Um Steph, you’ve now totally freaked me out about Khmer. What is this about not being able to make/hear most of the sounds? And seriously how am I suppose to learn to read and write? The writing looks like an art form. I’m so screwed. Maybe I can just take French lessons instead?
So true! Especially the one about getting out there, socializing. I’ve been living abroad most of the time for the last 15 years, but I’ve always had a purpose with my stay, such as work, internships or studies. In Dubai I was “just” a housewife, which required a lot more initiative from my side to meet new people, especially as I can me rather picky regarding who I hang out with and I didn’t automatically like the wives of Poul’s friends:)
I feel like I’m kind of in a similar situation as you. Aaron is the one who has the “normal” job here and since I work from home it’s really up to me to make an effort to meet people…and I’ve done a very poor job! I do think Phnom Penh will be a bit easier in this regard but I now realize it’s up to me to make a serious effort this time around. You can’t expect people to magically find you!
Great tips! Lol, I’m Korean AND have lived in Korea for 6 years now, and I STILL don’t speak the language properly. I can get by, but it is tough, that’s for sure. I was reading somewhere that it takes expats 5 years of living in another country to gain “mastery,” of it, so I’d say you’ve done pretty well for yourself in just a year. 😀 For us, after 6 years here, everything just feels like life as normal, and it definitely didn’t for at least the first few years…
Ha, well that makes me feel a little better! Learning languages is really hard but I’ll admit that I made very little effort in Indonesia. Khmer sounds like it’s REALLY hard to learn. I’m so screwed! That’s interesting that it took you a few years to really feel normal in Korea. That makes sense to me. I always knew Indonesia would be temporary so I don’t think I ever really let myself get settled here. Hopefully I will take a different approach to Cambodia. I think the fact that we’re planning to stay two full years will help.
I loved this so, so much! Thanks for sharing. I definitely am very nervous about moving to Australia because well Australia is big and I don’t know yet where I eventually want to go to. I still have a few months before I leave but I hope to have a clearer idea on what and where. Thankfully I have a friend who moved on a WHV as well to Australia and she didn’t really plan anything, she just started applying for jobs when she was there and everything worked out so well!
Thanks Naomi! I think it’s only natural to be nervous (I’m nervous about my upcoming move to Cambodia) but a move to Australia is so exciting. I feel like I’ve been reading about a lot of people who have been moving there on a WHV lately and everything has worked out really well for them. It also seems like everyone LOVES living in Australia. I’m sure you’re going to do just fine 🙂
Making an effort to socialize and get involved with your community is a great tip! I told myself that I’d try to volunteer and take some classes when I moved to Edinburgh, but I still have yet to do so. I also need to stop with the excuses!
How about you go volunteer and I’ll promise that I’ll sign up for a yoga class right when I get to Cambodia! No more excuses 🙂
I love this post! As an expat in Phuket, so many of these hit home. Really great writing too!
Thanks so much Katie! I’m so glad to know that other people can relate 🙂
Ugh, I definitely suffer from working at home and not getting out to explore! It doesn’t help that it’s so hot here, it’s really easy to put off going until the evening when it’s cooler.
Ha, I feel the same way about the heat. And Phnom Penh is going to be much hotter than Jakarta. I’m sure I’ll be waiting until the evening to do my exploring 😉 But hopefully I’ll get out more there. I plan to do better in this area!